The Golden Lion

The Diamond Awards Banquet was held this evening. Everyone knows that the Golden Lion is the most coveted of all awards distributed during Grand Convention. This award indicates the highest level of performance and efficiency for collegiate chapters of Alpha Delta Pi. Tonight, 13 chapters took home that top honor, including three chapters who have never before been inducted into the Golden Lion Hall of Fame.


1. Beta Eta, Michigan
2. Delta Phi, University of Missouri-Kansas City
3. Gamma Theta, University of Mt. Union
4. Zeta Nu, Clemson
5. Beta Epsilon, University of South Carolina
6. Eta Lambda, Albright College
7. Epsilon Nu, Ashland University
8. Gamma Phi, East Tennessee State University
9. Beta Tau, University of Akron
10. Kappa, Samford
11. Zeta Psi, UNC Greensboro (new inductee)
12. Beta Sigma, Mercer University (new inductee)
13. Alpha Iota, University of Pittsburgh (new inductee)


The evening concluded with the installation of our new Grand Council members, and a farewell to those sisters whose term on Grand Council has come to an end. Special thanks to Ann Charnock and Rosalyn Doze Williams. A special video presentation was made to celebrate the four years that Claire Brown Gwaltney has led our organization. What a wonderful and inspirational leader she has been! Here are some photos from the evening. 

International Vice President of Alumnae Membership Renee Bailey Iacona 

and International President Tammie Pinkston

Ms. Pinkston's Lion Purse

Former and Current Finance Ladies!

 Mrs. Gwaltney, Past International President, and her husband. 

Current and past Presidents of ADPi

Congrats to Zeta Psi on achieving Golden Lion status for the first time!
Convention has been a blast. Will have many recap updates and highlights that we missed during our busy schedule in the days ahead.

Bringing it All Back to 1851

I have to quickly tell you about what happened this morning. It was the most profound experience I've had thus far during my membership in Alpha Delta Pi. Today we initiated the great-great-granddaughter of one of the founding members of The Adelphean Society. Elizabeth Williams Mitchell, whose portrait we unveiled this week, holds a very special place in the heart of every Alpha Delta Pi member. 

It is from her legacy that we all descend as Alpha Delta Pi sisters. Today we welcomed her great-great-granddaughter into our sisterhood, as an alumnae initiate. I could not help but tear up as I caught eyes with Renee Bailey Iacona during the ceremony. To think. This woman is a direct descendant of one of our founders, and here we are today initiating her into Alpha Delta Pi. What must she have been thinking, knowing the legacy that she joins because of her relative? Chills! What are you doing to leave your legacy in Alpha Delta Pi?

Diamonds Are Forever: Old Timer's Dinner

Those diamonds were shining bright under the Phoenix sun, as sisters brought some crazy bling to the Old Timer's Dinner! Here are a few shots...

 Forget Hammer Time, We've got Marshall Time! 

Check out Sister Rita Wade Marshall's (Epsilon Delta) jacket!

Delaurah Minzenberger, Beta Psi, brings the bling 

with her many rings! Hey, that rhymes!

 D2 sisters

D2 International Officers, Every time we come around the district bling bling...

Candace from Beta Psi in her real beauty pageant bling! 

 District II, the future is so bright with all that bling! 

 Sisters Dawn Victor-Herring and Tracy Garner came with tiaras and boas

 Renee Bailey Iacona, International Vice President of Alumnae Membership, 

our lovely MC for the night in her diamond ADPi tiara

Pat Evans during the 50 year ceremony

50 year ceremony

International Secretary Sydnee Jack leads the Convention Song

Sisters still standing after many decades of Convention attendance during the famous Convention Song

Current International President Claire Gwaltney (right), Beta Omega, with 

newly elected International President Tammie Pinkston (left), Zeta Nu/Gamma Phi

At this dinner we honored many alumnae who have given back, both to their professions, their communities, and to Alpha Delta Pi. Here are the recipients of the Joan Perry Boatright Loyalty Award, by district:

District I: Betty Hillburn

Betty lives in Macon and frequently gives tours of Rose Hill Cemetery, where Eugenia Tucker Fitzgerald is buried. Upon receiving her award she said, "College girls, I want you to know that it is not just four years. Get ready. When you get outta' school, find your sisters wherever you are."

District II: Diane Letson

Joan Boatright was her scholarship advisor in college. How cool is that?!  Upon receiving her award she said, "Find a mentor. In turn, be a mentor to someone else. The greatest investment I've ever made has been repaid to me many times because of you."

District III: Ann Parker Davis

Ann mentioned that she was mentored by Mary Van Akin. "Once you knew Mrs. VA, you knew alpha Delta Pi was for a lifetime. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have had Alpha Delta Pi in my life everyday. Find reasons to stay involved forever and make Alpha Delta Pi for a lifetime."

District IV: Betty Pitzer

You may have read the post that mentioned Ms. Pitzer and her passing earlier this week. If not, here is a link. She was 99 years old when she passed this week, and had been a member of Alpha Delta Pi for 80 years. 

District V: Charlotte Mann

"It's been said that we have five really pivotal people in our lives who help us move from one stage to another. I think it's more like 500, and 499 of them are Alpha Delta Pi's. The most important decision I ever made was writing only Alpha Delta Pi and Alpha Delta Pi on my preference card, and by George I matched! With that decision what doors I've opened and what adventures I've had. My association with Alpha Delta Pi has enriched my life, knowing that we are measured not by what we receive, but by what we give."

District VI: Linda Allen

"I think this goes all the way back to having a strong advisor, Sally Dozier. Whenever she saw me she wanted to know what I was doing for ADPi. Through the yeas I've worked with amazing sisters and I appreciate working with the collegians. I moved to Arizona not knowing a soul. I looked at the back of The Adelphean and called the local alumnae association. My life has been very fulfilled since then."

Mary Bull Mason Outstanding Contribution to Community Award:

Kay Weed

Outstanding Alumnae Achievement Award for Contribution to Profession: Connie Lewis

This is Convention number 27 for Virginia "Ginny" Stafford, former Grand President, who was the last sister standing during the Convention song. Ginny said that the first convention that she attended was in 1946. Grand Convention in 1946 was held at The Hotel Stanley in Estes Park, Colorado. Talk about Alpha Delta Pi for a lifetime!

We also honored Convention Photographer, Charles E. Walton IV, who celebrated his 30th Convention with Alpha Delta Pi. We love you Charles, oh yes we do! Speaking of Charles, Convention photos will be available on GreekYearbook.com in a couple of weeks. 

A good time was had by all:)

The Results are in!

By: Logan Sparks

For all you ladies who weren't able to attend Grand Convention this year, you might be be wondering just we are actually doing out here in Phoenix. Maybe much to your disbelief, it isn't all fun and games. While we are most definitely having a blast, we have also been getting down to very serious business. However, if you could see all the tasty meals they have been serving us or the beautiful Biltmore hotel, you might not think so.

But still, through business meetings and bylaw revisions, your chapter delegates have been working very hard to make decisions that are best for members and the international organization as a whole. In addition to bylaw revisions, elections are also being held. This is an exciting time for Alpha Delta Pi as our new international President and the rest of Grand Council will be leading us into the future. It is through these processes that we remember that ADPi is so much bigger than our individual chapters and the campuses we represent; we are a group of sorority women from all over the country (and Canada) who strive to live by the same creed of values and ideas. 

So. For everyone out there who thinks we're just vacationing here in sorority-land, you are mistaken! Look forward to hearing about all of our official ADPi business from your chapter representatives in the fall! 

And...the drum roll please...our newly elected Grand Council members!

International President: Tammy Pinkston, Zeta Nu/Gamma Phi

International Vice President of Collegiate Membership: Stacy DeMartini Bruton, Delta Sigma

                                                                                                  Susan Swicord Mathews, Epsilon Pi

International Vice President of Alumnae Membership: Renee Bailey Iacona, Delta Upsilon

International Vice President of Finance: Emily Erkel, Zeta Chi

International Secretary: Sydnee Jack, Alpha Omicron

International Vice President of Organizational Relations: Sandy McDonald Davis, Xi

In Memorial

I'm gonna be honest. This post isn't going to be pretty. It's difficult. It's heart wrenching. It's just downright challenging when you lose a sister. It's not fair for me to monopolize this blog with this post about the sister that I lost this year, because there are so many sisters that we've lost in this sisterhood that we call Alpha Delta Pi since our last Grand Convention. But I do feel compelled to highlight this portion of Grand Convention, an event that I feel is not as highly attended as it should be. The Alpha Delta Pi Memorial Service.

Becoming an International Officer, heck, even in my first year as a chapter advisor, I realized how much bigger this organization is than me. Than my campus. Than my alpha class. I've met remarkable women from coast to coast who  have become just as dear to me as the women who I became fast friends with on bid day. Women who are younger than me, who are older than me, who are role models and inspiring and dedicated. So anytime we lose a member of our circle of sisterhood, we should mourn that loss. Near and far. And that is the purpose of the Memorial Service that is held each Grand Convention. To remember those sisters who we've lost and recognize the fulfillment of their oath to a lifetime of sisterhood. A lifetime modeling our principles and ideals. 


So, two notes on sisters we lost this year. Renee Bailey Iacona recognized the passing of former Grand Council member Betty Braun Pitzer, Chi. She turned 99 this year, and celebrated 80 years of membership in Alpha Delta Pi. Her lifetime commitment includes serving as a founding member of the Alpha Delta Pi Foundation, and Grand Treasurer on Grand Council for 16 years. She is District IV's Loyalty Boatright Alumnae recipient. She passed away just two days ago. 


And next. My small shout out. This October Alpha Delta Pi lost one of my alpha class members, Sarah Irvin Gardner. It's hard to fathom when you are not even 30 yet that you will need to say goodbye to one of the members of your alpha class. But that's what my girls did this year. Sarah left us in October to go on to a better place, after battling brain cancer. She left behind a then four-month-old legacy, Miss Caroline Kay. Miss Caroline Kay is growing up strong, and we'll just have to do our best reminding her what a wonderful, beautiful, God-loving woman that her mother was. And how her Alpha Delta Pi sisters miss her so. 


There are mother, sisters, grandmothers, granddaughters, daughters. So many others who we lost. Take a moment to squeeze your Alpha Delta Pi sisters today. And remember to tell them how important they are to you. This sisterhood we have is a beautiful thing and I'm blessed to have had Sarah in my life, even though our time together was cut short. God bless you all!

So much to write, already 2:30 am

Ok, so it's  really 11:30pm, but to me, it's still eastern-time-zone-2:30am. It's been another busy day in Phoenix. 

It's 2:00 am and my Beta Psi friends still look fabulous:)

I want to give my collegian bloggers a chance to write up their thoughts on the opening banquet and get them in before I steal all their thunder...so I won't write to much now. But I do just have to share a few things before I go to bed write up my comments for the technology resolution. Highlights from today:

The Missing Sister

Tonight at the Welcome Banquet, this portrait of Elizabeth Williams Mitchell was unveiled. Never before in our 160 year history have we seen a picture of this founding member. Elizabeth's great-granddaughter and great-great-granddaughter are attending Grand Convention this week and are just thrilled to be a part of this momentous reveal for our organization. 

We're Older Than Arizona. 

This might be my new tagline. Forget first, finest, forever (just kidding, total joke). We're older than Arizona!? We received greetings from the Governor of Arizona, as well as John McCain. They mentioned in their greeting letters that Arizona is celebrating its centennial. We are celebrating our 160th birthday. We are older than Arizona. 

You know the old saying about Assumptions...

Rick Barnes spoke to our assembled audience of Grand Convention attendees about the perceptions of Greek life. More depth when the sun is shining in Arizona again.

More Sisters

The 160th anniversary update of Sisters was released after dinner and an autograph party followed. 

Again, we'll have much more depth on this tomorrow from both myself and some new voices too! The Adelphean Processional is bright and early, so I gotta get some shut eye! Stay tuned!

Why You Do What You Do (or Don’t Do) For ADPi

Volunteer Luncheon with guest speaker Rick Barnes (not to be confused with Texas BBall Coach Rick Barnes)

Thanks to the Alpha Delta Pi Foundation, we had a wonderful speaker for our Volunteer Luncheon. International Officers, Advisors, House Corporation members and other Alpha Delta Pi volunteers gathered to listen to Rick Barnes talk to us about why it is that we do what we do in the name of sorority affairs. Barnes is a renowned speaker, a former international board member for his own organization, a former higher education administrator, and a past president of the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors, who touches on leadership, hazing issues, alcohol issues and other topics pertinent to Greek life through speaking engagements.

Barnes highlighted some key issues for us to consider as volunteers, but he also asked us a very important question. Why do you do what you do for Alpha Delta Pi? Here’s what some of my fellow diners said:

“Because I want to see our organization remain relevant to our women today”- International VP of Collegiate Membership Susan Swicord Mathews

“Because I want to make an impact”-District II Finance Director Caitlin King

“Because I believe in the values of our organization”- District II CPD Shannon Roach

“So I can see our organization grow”-District II TME Director Melissa Felts

“Because I want to leave a legacy”-Me:)

Dessert at the Volunteer Luncheon. A subcommittee will be formed to 

determine what the "green stuff" was. Jello? Fruit cocktail syrup? We're not sure, but it was good!

When we joined Alpha Delta Pi, we subscribed to the higher values and expectations that are laid out in our ritual. We should be LIVING OUR RITUAL. We should always be working to fulfill the purpose of Alpha Delta Pi. That does not end with graduation. So as volunteers, what is our role? According to Barnes:

1.      1.  Provide guidance, advice, and knowledge

2.     2.   Use caution when caution is necessary

3.      3.  Function as a liaison

4.       4. Clearly establish your role

5.      5.  Be a role model

6.       6. Hold your chapter to higher standards

7.      7.  It’s okay to let them make mistakes

8.      8.  Build upon their strengths

It’s hard to explain to my non-Greek friends, or heck, even my Greek friends who have been out of school for as long as I have why I am coming to a sorority convention. “Aren’t you too old to be doing that sorority ‘stuff’,” they’ll ask. Um. No? Lifetime membership. And Barnes reiterated that today. This is personally rewarding. That’s why I do what I do, and why I am proud to continue to be involved with my sorority. According to the strategic plan update that we listened to this morning, our 2009-2011 numbers for advisory board numbers are down from where we were in 2007-2009. Get involved! Contact someone in your area if you want to get involved. Your local campus is always a great place to start. So what’s your one sentence answer for why you do what you do, or don’t do, for Alpha Delta Pi? 

We Don't Pack Light

Like me, many of you are probably making lists of things to pack...and then will be trying to pack this weekend.

Executive Office actually packs a whole truck for Phoenix. No, I'm not kidding. You know, at my first Convention it never dawned on me how all this "stuff" made it to Boston. I never even considered it. Oh, the things you learn when you become an International Officer! (Thanks Annie Durant for the pictures and guest blogs which I always forget to credit you for...)

Boxes of...stuff

Flags for the Adelphean Processional...or Golden Lion Parade of Flags?

More Fun Stuff!

I wasn't kidding when I told you they send a whole truck, here it is in the parking lot at Ponce de Leon

Nice mover, helpful

You-ain't-seen-nothin-yet

450 boxes later...yes, 450. That is not a typo

Bye! See you in Phoenix!

Now, we don't think you'll need a whole truck to pack the stuff you'll need for Phoenix...but here are some packing tips.

We gave you a style guide.

You have an agenda on pride online.

I'm gonna match them together and also give you a few reminders.

Your Pin

Chapters have been asked to bring their ritual book (better as a carry on ladies, would hate for it to get lost with your luggage, God forbid)

Plane Ticket Confirmation

Have you booked your shuttle from the airport to the Biltmore?

Print Outs from Pride Online (Candidate Profiles, Bylaws and Resolutions, Presentation Powerpoints-more on this Monday).

Spending Money (Breakfast is not included in your meals...so you will need to purchase food in the mornings. You will want to buy a sweatshirt/waterbottle/dangle/ring/otherpieceofjewelry/notepad from Gift Mart. You may also want to buy something from one of the vendors on site.)

Agenda:Outfit

Wednesday, June 22

Convention Business Orientation: You have just landed in Phoenix and checked in. You will be going straight from this session to the "Meet the Candidates" event, and then to the opening dinner. Dress for the dinner is considered "Little Black Dress," meaning you can wear a NICE sundress. Not the kind you'd wear to the pool, but to a summer wedding in the daytime, or church on Sunday. So you can go ahead and wear this outfit for the orientation, make a quick pitstop at Gift Mart, and then head to the other events of the evening.

Thursday, June 23

First things First: All White for the Adelphean Processional. Refer to the Style Guide for more on white...

Sometimes we have about 10 minutes in between the processional and the memorial service, so you can run run run reallllllly fast to your room for a quick outfit change. We will have our first business meeting Thursday afternoon, so you could go ahead and change into your pin attire. Or you can wait until after the memorial service and right before lunch starts to do a quick change, or after lunch. You get the drift. Some will choose to stay in their white all day, but most will change into pin attire of color for the business meeting. Then for the Diamond Four Point Dinner you may either stay in your business attire, or change into a fun sundress (again, not pool side, but pew side).

Friday, June 24

Second Business Meeting: Again, pin attire. Then free time! Dress accordingly for your activity:) When you are running around all over Phoenix you will want to be wearing a cute ADPi t-shirt for all those photo opps...<>. Here is a pic of me and some of my collegians from Grand Convention 2009 Orlando:)

That evening is the Alumnae and “Old Timers” Dinner with the "Bring your Bling" Theme...

Saturday, June 25

Nice classy pin attire or a nice sundress with a cardigan will do for this day of informational sessions. Then Saturday night it's time for your fancy dress!

Two notes in closing:

1. Given that our business meetings are ritual, NO LAPTOPS OR ELECTRONIC DEVICES WILL BE WELCOME. I knew what you were thinking, I'm not gonna print out all this stuff! I'll just pull it up on my laptop and read over it. Nary. Print it out.

2. I have another Blogger that I want to introduce you to!

Logan Sparks

Hi ladies! My name is Logan Sparks and I am the current Executive Vice President and past Director of Standards and Ethics of the Beta Psi chapter at the University of Kentucky. I am a rising junior and Integrated Strategic Communications major who, as my friends would tell you, is completely obsessed with all things Alpha Delta Pi! As an only child from a small town in Western Kentucky, I truly think of my ADPi sisters as the huge family I never had! I am extremely excited to extend that family as I meet sisters from around the country who share the same rituals, traditions, and basic values as myself! See you all soon! 

Now, get to packin'! And try to remember that 50 pound weight limit before you start to incur fees...did you know the airline industry collected $3.4 Billion in baggage fees in 2010?

What have I forgotten? What else should we pack?

Hear, Here

As I've mentioned previously, while Grand Convention is going on in Phoenix you will be hearing from different Convention attendees. The inside scoop. So I thought you might want to meet a few of those faces!
Roll Call!

Anna Kate Sumler

My name is Anna Kate Sumler and I am an incoming Leadership Consultant for 2011-2012.

I am from a small town in South Georgia called Tifton.  I attended Georgia College & State University in Milledgeville where I was a member of Zeta Iota Chapter.  I served as Public Relations Chair, Recruitment Vice President, and Chapter President during my time there.  I was also an Executive Office Summer Intern in 2010 and loved my experience there.  I am so honored to serve Alpha Delta Pi as a Leadership Consultant in the upcoming academic year!

As a first time Grand Convention attendee, there are so many things that I am excited about it's hard to choose just one!  I am most excited to meet my Consultant sisters as well as other sisters and International Officers from across the country.  I am eager to understand the process of Grand Convention as a whole and be a witness to the important business decisions that will shape the future of our organization.

Carrington Giammittorio

Hello everyone! I'm Carrington Giammittorio and I'm currently the president of the Zeta Xi chapter at the University of Virginia. I'm a rising Fourth Year (it's a tradition at UVA that we not say seniors, juniors, etc...), and am majoring in Psychology and Latin with a minor in History. Originally I'm from Northern Virginia, but I actually spent most of my Elementary school years in Phoenix, AZ.
Fun fact: I had my ninth birthday at the Arizona Biltmore, and am SO excited to be returning for "Diamonds in the Desert". As for what I'm most looking forward to at Grand Convention 2011, I absolutely cannot wait for the candlelight roll call. I've heard so much about this beautiful tradition from former Grand Convention attendees, so I'm excited to experience it for myself. On a lighter note, I'm really excited to meet my roomie and (hopefully!) swap some stories. See you all in the Grand Canyon State!

Christina Nixon

Hi sisters!  My name is Christina Nixon. I am a founding member and the president of the Theta Zeta chapter at Washington and Lee University.  I was born and raised in Atlanta, GA, about ten minutes away from ADPi's headquarters (which yes, I have toured and would highly recommend going to see), and I am spending my summer exploring the small towns of Central Tennessee as an intern for the FDIC.  I cannot wait to see all of you in your crisp white dresses for the Adelphean Processional--I hear it is beautiful!  See you soon!

Samantha Hockenberry

Hi, I’m Samantha!  I am the current President and past Membership Vice President for the Gamma Iota Chapter at the University of Florida!   I am most excited to experience the tradition that Alpha Delta Pi’s share nationally and to learn about what it truly means to be an ADPi at Grand Convention this year.  I think it’s incredible that Alpha Delta Pi has been able to carry on such strong ritual and founding pillars for the past 160 years, which adds to the reason why we are the first, the finest, and forever!  :)

Laura Leigh Majernik

Greetings, Sisters!  This is Laura Leigh Farmer Majernik (Delta Sigma/Delta) and I serve as the House Corporation President for the Gamma Upsilon Chapter at the University of North Texas.  This 160th Grand Convention is shaping up to be an exciting one!  As a Convention blogger, I get the unique opportunity to share insight next week from the world of housing.  This is an exciting time for Greek housing and I look forward to giving you an insiders perspective of the training, voting and sisterhood we are sure to share, housing style!

(And me, of course) Rebecca DeSensi Sivori

I'm the Technology Committee Chair for Alpha Delta Pi, and I am also a TME Director for District II. My chapter of initiation is Epsilon Delta, Western Kentucky University, and I also affiliated with Beta Psi, University of Kentucky. As soon as I graduated I started helping with Epsilon Delta recruitment, and I eventually became their chapter advisor. I'm a new International Officer, and so far I truly enjoy serving the organization in this capacity. 

I'm looking forward to being able to connect those at home with Alpha Delta Pi through this Grand Convention blog. Sometimes we forget that when we joined this organization, it was for a lifetime, not just those four years at school. You should be involved, interested, and invested in Alpha Delta Pi, whether you are 18 or 101. So what's going at Grand Convention is just as much your business as it is mine. And I am gonna make it your business by making sure you are up to speed! 

As a wise, wise, wise Claire Gwaltney once told me, "Honey, It's forever." So reconnect. Join us; read along. Let us know what questions you have. Share your thoughts. And maybe just maybe call a sister from your alpha class who you haven't spoken to in 25 years and say, "Hey, remember Black Diamond Formal...or Greek Week...or Recruitment week...or that sisterhood dinner...or our old chapter advisor who we loved so much..." Let Grand Convention 2011 be your reason to reconnect with sisters everywhere, even if you aren't traveling to Phoenix!

Don't be shy! This isn't an invitation only sort of event. If you want to share your experience, let me know! You can email post ideas to Rebecca.Sivori@gmail.com. Anything you want us to cover before we get to AZ?

Think Before You Text

You may have seen the recent news about the release of emails written by Sarah Palin during her term as Governor of Alaska. In case you didn't, read here...
Sarah Palin's Emails

This brings up a very important topic that I like to address with students coming to college...Privacy. In today's digital age, what really is private anymore? NOTHING.

According to The Los Angeles Times, "The state redacted more than 2,200 pages worth of materials, citing exemptions to public-records laws, including the privacy provision of the Alaska Constitution, attorney-client privilege, work-product privilege and executive and deliberative-process privileges." Ok. So a few things remain private. But that email to your husband about the nosy neighbor you can't stand, or the office gossip, or the vacation you are taking next month, the new job your are looking for, that you can't stand your boss. Nope. Those are all out there for the public to see.

Be careful what you email. Even if it is to your BFF. Not only can the press request it, but your own employers can review what kind of messages you are sending.

We could go on a tangent here about other inappropriate uses of digital communication...

Anthony Weiner, need we say more?

Kwame, Kwame, Kwame

But seriously speaking, remember that old adage you heard from your grandmother? "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Or  how about, "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead?" -Benjamin Franklin.

It's worth noting, that nothing good comes from these situations. Jail time, a family in shambles, public shame...The list goes on and on. So my suggestion will be...Think First. Write Second. Don't put it out there on the Google server if you aren't comfortable with the whole world knowin' it. If you think your grandmother would roll over in her grave if she saw the text message you were about to send...don't send it. Think before you communicate. It could save you some heartache.